So my uber pulls up and the driver gets out the car and holds the door open for me. And being me, I’m like “oh, hey Kim. Looking good”. He then asks if he should put the air conditioning on. Yup, I’m legit going to marry this guy.
It was all going so well until he asks “how far along I am!!”.
Me “how far along? Like to the theatre?”
Him “no in your pregnancy!”
Me “ohhhhhhh”
So I have typical fat girl problems and often get asked how far along I am in my pregnancy when people spot my bagel belly.
So instead of being a normal person and saying “nah bitch, I’m just fat”, I do my usual thing and just lie saying I am pregnant, and start making up shit about scans and sexes and all this other stuff. See friends with children, i do Kinda listen to what you’re saying without even realizing.
He then says he remembers me from a previous uber trip and how is that last child doing?
Ffs, like the only uber driver who has ever remembered me also remembers my last fake pregnancy.
So now I’m stuck in an uber having an entire conversation about how baby Timmy is really looking forward to having a baby brother. His name will probably be Tommy (I don’t know where that came from guys. I’m disappointed in myself also!!! ).
So I’m now expecting another imaginary child who I already have enrolled in the best pre school in the borough!!!!!
All this for some air conditioning